“Should I just give up?”
I ask myself after looking in the mirror early morning. I feel self-conscious; looking pale; feeling low energy... "Should I just give in, and take the meds most people with Chron's take?"
When my self-taught food choices seem to have led me nowhere but down hill, I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Because, ultimately, failure is so temporary that the word has no real meaning - it has lost it's credibility since I've learnt to grow stronger from my mistakes.
Let me take a step back: I was given meds from the age of 14 to deal with my impaired tummy and low-iron blood. I’m so prone to anemia that its effects seem to influence me in the blink of an eye; one step wrong and I feel myself starting from square one. Except that I don’t, square one is long gone. By failing, I learn something new. I realize the reality of this when I’m done searching for an easy escape: meds. The same goes for food, I've been told to start a food journal, well, I have one in my head from all my slip-ups over the years. It's a risk I'm willing to take, and I've learnt to listen to my body. I now know to avoid dairy, grains, red meat and alcohol. No regrets.
Kate Tempest said that real change can only begin when the old ways are no longer working. All I do is based on an awareness of what I want to be doing with my life, cutting out what doesn't serve me and replacing it with what does. This doesn't mean I know what I'm doing, only that I have a vague idea of what I don't want to be doing.
There will never be an ultimate victory, but I do feel comfort in the small ones.
And breathe...
Comments